Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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