I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
