I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
