Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
