I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
