i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
