So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
