so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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