Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
