I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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