I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
