just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
