You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
