I bet he comes in French.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
