we're blogging at a bar
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
