Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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