Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
