I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just gift wrapped bread.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
