you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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