i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
