Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
