Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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