I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
