Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize