if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
MIDGETS
????
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
