Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
