I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
