I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
