dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
