the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
