I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone came in the potted fern
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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