I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize