How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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