tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's blow job season.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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