I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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