I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
