My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Please don't give away my fajitas
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
