Please, let me fuck your mom
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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