I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize