and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
