The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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