the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
