I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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