her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
