I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
