i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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