Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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