i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
