I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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