She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
