I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
