I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize