You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
