I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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