Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
