i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
