I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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