I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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