Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
