yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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