i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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