how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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