Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
