We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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