evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
