we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
