so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
