pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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